How To Stop Caring What Others Think Of You

Fear of others opinions, judgments have killed more dreams than almost anything.

Do you ever feel like you're carrying a heavy burden physically, mentally and emotionally? For many, it's the constant pressure of seeking approval from others – be it from parents, friends, or society at large.

Whether it's the food you eat, the person you date, the job you take, how you raise your kids or even the opinions you hold, it seems like everyone has something to say about every aspect of your life. This external validation becomes a chain, weighing you down and preventing you from embracing your true self.

The problem isn't so much that they have these opinions (whether you'd like to believe it or not you have these same opinions of others) its that we prioritize their opinions more than we value our own.

Read that again.

You value the opinions of others MORE than you value your own. For this reason, you live a life constantly questioning your thoughts, beliefs and actions. This worry creates habits and actions that are inconsistent with your best self. 

Because how can you be making choices to please others and be fully happy? You can't!

It's normal to take in the opinions of those you love the most but the problem is that you mistake their opinions for your own. 

So how do you stop?

Here are a few ways.

1. Get to Know Yourself.
At the foundation, you must know who you are and what you stand for. What do you value in your life? When you know who you are and what you stand for, you can better shrug off others opinions and judgments. It's all about being secure in who you are. Spend time alone, in nature to reflect, ask questions of yourself. Give yourself a chance to develop self-trust and relationship with yourself. The more you know yourself the easier it is to look in the mirror and value your own opinion over others.

2. Establish Boundaries.
When you have developed values and principles it is important to then set boundaries with others. Years ago I read a book that said "You teach people how to treat you." This forever changed my perspective. We must first know who we are and what we stand for and hold people accountable to our standards. If someone aims to invalidate your experience, call them out on it. You owe it to yourself to speak up and remind them of your truth. When someone laughingly says "you know how you are, you're so difficult." you say I don't know how I am, I realize that's how I used to be and that's how you see me, but that is not who I am today. This will be uncomfortable, but biting your tongue and complaining to your partner on the car ride home about how rude and crazy so-and-so was is just as uncomfortable.

3. Find Your Tribe.
To establish values, reinforce boundaries and teach people how to treat you, it can be important to find like-minded people who support you. Finding likeminded people helps validate who you are and who you are invested on becoming. They empower you to be you but also challenge you to grow without being condescending, argumentative or demeaning. Being surrounded by people who support you unconditionally will help you to shrug off the "hate" you may receive from others. After all, you have your tribe and support system. You aren't alone. Over time and through a new experience (of being seen, accepted and validated) you will either find yourself spending less time with others or at the very least care less.

At the end of the day its about being a friend to yourself first and foremost. Being the friend you want others to be. One who listens, is respectful and validating. 

Remember this: People want what's best for you as long as its best for them too. Most people are sharing an opinion or judgement from a lack of understanding or acceptance around what you are doing as it relates to their own life. When we moved away from our friends and family we got some of hate and judgment. Us leaving meant we were no longer Alex and Elaine who had normal jobs and lived in Sycamore, IL. We had threatened the dynamic of the relationships with everyone around us. 

Failure to shrug off others opinions will result in a life of turmoil, stress, worry and disease. Your physical and mental health depend on your ability to adopt these skills above to live a happier and healthier life.

To join a like minded community and support system, consider applying to one of the 2 options I currently have available to help you reach your next level self.

Have a great week.