The Happiness Myth: Why Your External Goals Might Not Be the Answer

What is the key to happiness? This is the question we humans spend a lifetime trying to figure out. 

Often we look to accomplishments and goal setting to make us happy. The job promotion, raise, stock prices, hitting a goal weight, perfect partner, all hold the key...so we think. 

What happens when we don't get the job? stocks fall? we put on a few pounds? break up or get divorced? Do we cease to be happy?

For many, the answer is yes. 

For many happiness is contingent on extrinsic factors. Outcomes in their life.

They say to themselves " I will be happy when____."

But it happiness can be taken away with the absence of these things then is happiness really ours to have?

I recently came across a short story that illustrates what I believe to be the truth about happiness.

The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by 8am, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.
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After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready.
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As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window.
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"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.
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"Mrs. Jones, you haven’t seen the room..."
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"That doesn’t have anything to do with it. Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time."

What if you went about your life just choosing to be happy?

Could it really be that simple? Absolutely!

You see, if you are choosing to be happy only when you find the right partner, job promotion, income, fitness level then why not just choose to be happy because you are alive?

Some might find this as setting the bar low, I completely disagree!

It's not about accepting setback, hardship and struggle in your life, rather its about seeing them for what they are: an opportunity for growth!

That's reason to be happy!

Its about extreme ownership. Happiness is yours to claim right now in this moment, and not something to outsource to anybody else.

To further illustrate this I will use a recent personal example.

Late September my wife and I packed up and left Asheville, NC after hurricane Helene came through. After 5 days of now power, internet and water we left.

Getting to friends and family in IL was met with a mix of emotions. For days, I felt unhappy over the fact that I felt displaced and had no clear indication of when I would be able to return home. 

Sure, I was/am grateful to be safe and with the people we love the most but I still felt unhappy and unnerved over what life was going to look like going forward. 

A lot of uncertainty.

It wasn't until I said to myself "You know what, Both things can be true. The future can be uncertain AND I can allow myself to be happy. I can be sad I had to leave Asheville and happy that I am here with family."

It was in that moment I simply chose happiness. I chose gratitude. I chose to believe that things are working out exactly as they are supposed to so that I can be exactly who I desire myself to be.

I want to tie this back in with fitness, health and fat loss:

Losing weight won't make you more happy.
Having a six pack won't make you more happy.
Fitting into those jeans won't make you more happy.

The key is being happy right now.

Ironically, choosing to be happy ahead of accomplishing the goal, will actually make accomplishing the goal easier and more likely!

Having trouble just being happy?
Ask yourself, what am I grateful for in my life?

Write and speak out loud 3 things you are grateful for and why.

Do this everyday, either by yourself or with your partner. 

Make it a habit and see the positive impact it has on your day. The key is going on with your day with the sense of gratitude and happiness. 

Still struggling? be the reason someone else can be happy today. Compliment a stranger, make a kind gesture. 

You'll find you can only give happiness to someone else if you had it to give away to begin with.

Hope this is useful to you today.

Enjoy your week.