Redefining Success: Breaking Free From Others Expectations to Pursue What You Want

You likely aren't lazy or unmotivated you just haven't been pursuing what you really want.

We are told to go to school, get good grades, pay attention, do what the teacher tells you, go to college, get a good job, save all of your money, get married, have kids, retire at 65, enjoy the last 8-11 years of life (average lifespan these days is 73-76 years old.

I don't know about you, but this has always scared the shit out of me.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't think there is anything wrong with any of these things. In fact, on their own and for the right reasons all of these can be meaningful.

But life is short. The only thing we know for sure is we won't be here forever (or even that long.)

The idea that we should all live the same life, have the same goals, be held to the same standards and have the same expectations is incredibly ridiculous.

Just like with dieting, there is no one size fits all approach, the same is certainly true with life and how we all choose to live it.

Yet, we are all pushed to pursue this "dream", no questions asked or you're weird.

If you are like me, you never felt comfortable trying to fit within that mold. As a kid I was always curious in human psychology and philosophy. I took a natural liking to bodybuilding and fitness. I also loved movies, writing, acting, creating characters and stories.

None of these things I was encouraged to pursue in school systems or afterwards.

After a certain point I felt the external push from my surroundings to start thinking about career paths and what my life was going to look like for the next 50 years.

I sympathize with the many who abandoned their interest, passions for a life that was never meant for them. To pursue a path that society wanted for them and not the one they wanted for themselves. 

And for brief moments I tried to do the same. However it never felt right and I couldn't ignore this intuitive pull I had to follow my heart and own interests.

What's the point of this discussion today?

We have a lot of 35-45 year old people who were encouraged and pushed into pursuing a life that they never wanted and in the process gave up the dream of the one they did.

Creating, evolving, having new experiences is the most natural thing in life and many have neglected major parts of who they are in an effort to play the societal chess match.

You can have money. 
You can have optimal health.
You can travel and see the world.
You can create security for your family.

All while being, doing, creating a life by YOUR design and not the one that was planned for you.

Why Do We Abandon Our Childhood Dreams?

Its more than just "growing up" and being "realistic"

As I stated above, we are told to have a "good life" we have to play the societal game. (school, college, marriage, kids, retirement, etc.)

This is supposed to create comfort and security. The smart path, many will say.

We'd rather stay where it is comfortable and familiar than go where it is new, even if new means better.

We are in many ways hardwired this way. 

To our ancient ancestors, change often equaled threat, and threat often meant a threat to our survival.

But now, for the most part, we don't have to fear our survival like we did then (despite what you may see on the evening news.)

Instead we fear anything that shakes up our reality as we know it. We fear anything that challenges who we are and how others view us.

This keeps those of who dream big, think big and have big goals in life complacent. It stifles growth and creativity.

And this is the source of major discomfort.

So, What's the Plan?

So, if you are like me and have struggled in the past to break free of our conditioning, what do you do?

You have to ask questions. You have to get clear on what are YOUR goals vs what are THEIR goals.

One way I have personally navigated this problem is by journaling. I'm not talking about the "dear diary" kind of journaling, rather the kind where you sit down, grab a pen and get clear on what's important to you, where it comes from, what it means going forward.

Such a practice opens the door for complete clarity on the direction you want to take in your life, the obstacles you may face and how to overcome them.

For me the practice goes as follows:

What Are Your Goals?
Write about the benefits of achieving them.

What Are The Problems In Your Way?
Write about the emotions involved in overcoming them.

What Skill Do You Have to To Reach Your Goals?
Write how you're applying them and what you've learned.

Lets break each down a little further.

I will use my own life as an example

What Are Your Goals?
For me, I never wanted to work a 9-5 and have always valued time freedom, freedom of choice, location freedom, along with a natural passion for helping people. I knew I had skills that would be useful to people who were 3-5 years behind me in their health, fitness and life journey. The goal became to structure by business around the life I wanted and not the other way around. I knew from examples that I could have and experience all of those things while still growing myself and helping others.

What Are the Problems In Your Way?
The problems I had were that my coaching was 100% in person at the time and I had not developed the skills to bring it online full time. This came with lack of confidence at times that I could achieve it. I wasn't in an environment that I felt I could grow in. The people around me didn't think or feel the same way about my life that I did. This felt limiting and unsupportive at times. More from lack of understanding than overall disagreement. This often felt hopeless at times. I didn't have a clear plan on how to overcome this.

What Skills Do You Have to Reach Your Goals?
I had learned that to accomplish my goal that I would have to deepen the skills I had and develop new ones.  In my business its pretty simple

1. Have a product or service that people can learn and grow from and 2. Have a way of attracting and enrolling new customers. That's it. 

I had always liked to write, so my social media content, newsletter, YouTube and website started talking to the people that I wanted to work with. This would help me make connections and if/when interested they would buy my course, or service.

I genuinely care about people. I'm curious what drives them, motivates them, inspires them. I've spend a long time asking this of myself. This helped me have meaningful conversations before anyone enrolled into my coaching to ensure it was a good fit for everyone.

These are all things I continue to learn and grow in

You see, once you've broken things down a little bit you can start to see how your dream might become a reality. You can begin to see that maybe the impossible is actually possible. 

Once I was clear on my idea lifestyle, the what became clear. From there I could pinpoint what limiting beliefs I had and what I needed to overcome to move forward. Then it was using my already developed skills to get started and then iterate from there.

If I am being honest, which I am, I am doing this all again right now. There are major changes coming to my life in the next 2-3 months and this practice is helping create clarity and a plan. 

If you are feeling stuck, or unfulfilled in your current life I would definitely encourage you to use this practice and see where it takes you. Maybe it opens up doors mentally and emotionally that you hadn't opened in a while (or ever!)

Just being able to consider a new option is a big step in itself.

Pay attention to whether or not you get excited with this journaling exercise! 

You will most definitely be anxious or scared. That's ok.

You haven't been encouraged to think this way often. To consider an alternative to your life.

Worst case scenario is you now have ground for a new hobby in your life or new passion project. This certainly doesn't mean you have to quit your job and start your life over. 

In fact, if you DO NOT have past experience and proof that you can restart your life at the snap of a finger I DO NOT suggest you start now. 

But pull at the string of creativity, and pursue something that your 12 year old self would be proud of. 

You won't regret it.