Fit Life Identity Crisis: Why You Sabotage Your Best Self
When someone decides to get in shape or change their habits, they often encounter what can be described as an identity crisis. You know it well.
You diet and train for a while and then all of a sudden the discomfort sets in and you are back to your old ways.
Research shows that 96% of people who attempt to get in shape and lose weight will fail within the first two years. 66% will actually end up heavier than when they started.
It is no longer an information problem, it is an identity problem.
Identity Anchored in Old Habits:
Individuals often have their identity tied to their current lifestyle, habits, and physical condition. For example, someone might see themselves as a "food lover" or "not a gym person." Changing these habits can feel like losing part of who they are or betraying their self-concept.
We must ask ourselves: Is this identity serving us or keeping us stuck?
Mismatch Between Self-Image and New Behaviors:
As physical changes occur or new habits are adopted, there can be a dissonance between one's self-image and the new reality. Someone who has always seen themselves as "unfit" might struggle with the emerging identity of someone who is becoming fit and healthy. Sure, you are happy you are walking and exercising, but maybe it still doesn't feel real or you continue to feel disconnected to your new habits.
Social Identity:
Social circles, family, or community might have expectations or roles for you based on your current habits or appearance. Changing these can disrupt social dynamics, leading to an identity crisis as you navigate new social interactions or lose connection with those who don't support the change.
Who are you if you aren't the friend who meets at happy hour?
Who are you if you aren't the family member who fixes everything?
Who are you if you don't fit in "their" box?
Emotional Attachment to Old Identity:
There's comfort in familiarity. The emotional attachment to one's old self, including habits and behaviors, can make the transition to a new identity emotionally taxing. This disconnect can be exhausting and also why you lack energy without doing anything. This makes change very difficult.
Much of our identity and self-perception come from seed stories.
"Seed stories" refer to the narratives or beliefs we cultivate about ourselves, often from a young age or through significant life experiences. These stories shape our identity and can either help or hinder behavior change.
Negative Seed Stories: Stories like "I'm just not good at dieting" or "I'll never be athletic" can severely limit someone's belief in their ability to change. These stories become self-fulfilling prophecies, reinforcing the identity one is trying to move away from.
Positive Seed Stories: Stories that promote growth, like "I am becoming healthier every day" or "I am someone who enjoys exercise," can act as catalysts for change, aligning with and supporting the new identity one wishes to embrace.
To navigate the identity crisis and facilitate a smoother transition to new habits and fitness levels, one must work on changing these seed stories.
Awareness and Reflection:
Action: Start by identifying your current seed stories. Journaling or discussing with a coach or therapist can help uncover these narratives. How do you perceive yourself? When in your life did you decide this is who you were?
Reframing Negative Beliefs:
Action: Challenge these stories with evidence from your new behaviors or achievements. For instance, if you've consistently worked out for a month, that's evidence against the story that "you're not a gym person."
Create New Narratives:
Action: Actively construct new stories that align with your goals. Visualize and affirm your new identity daily. For example, "I am someone who values health and enjoys my new lifestyle." This is so important. You can't overcome who you have been if you aren't willing to focus on who you are becoming.
Use Success Stories as Motivation:
Action: Surround yourself with success stories of others who've changed their identity through fitness or habit change. This can be through books, documentaries, or joining communities where such transformations are celebrated.
Incremental Identity Change:
Action: Rather than expecting an overnight transformation, embrace the idea of slowly evolving your identity. Each small step in your fitness journey or habit change is a vote for the new you.
The great myth is that it takes 21 days to form a new habit.
The truth?
It'll take 30 days to familiarize with new habits.
90 days to start to see benefits.
180 days to ease into new habits.
365 days to begin new identity.
a lifetime to reinforce it.
Celebrate Your Evolution:
Action: Celebrate milestones not just for the physical change but for the identity shift. This could be through small rewards, sharing your journey with others, or simply acknowledging your progress to yourself. Tip: Don't let it be food related.
Community and Support:
Action: Engage with groups or find mentors who reflect or support your new identity. This social reinforcement helps solidify the new self-image. On the flip side, the wrong community will keep you stuck so choose your tribe wisely.
Mindfulness and Acceptance:
Action: Practice mindfulness to stay present with your evolving identity. Accept that change is part of life, and it's okay to be in transition. This acceptance can reduce resistance to the new "you." In other words, be ok with not always being ok.
By understanding the identity crisis as part of the change process and actively working on altering seed stories, you can more comfortably navigate the complexities of personal growth, ultimately leading to sustainable changes in fitness and habits.
Hopefully you can see now why this is the key to your success. This isn't the work we were taught in school or modeled by most important adults in our lives, but it is the most important work we can do in being an overall "healthy" person.
After all, isn't that what we all want? To look great, feel great and live a great life?
It starts here!
