How to Live the Life You Want: Overcoming Limiting Beliefs and Pursuing Your Dreams

Health and fitness have always been a large part of my life. However, if I am being honest, at times it has taken a long back burner. There have been long periods of my life where I have prioritized my social life, travel, business all at the expense of my health, body composition, workout regimen, etc. 

Of course I have also done the opposite. Dieted for months, gym everyday, hermit on the weekends to preserve my "gains" during the week. 

At times I thought it had to be all or nothing. 

I couldn't multitask effectively to move forward in all these areas of life at the same time. I had seen mentors, friends and people online and it seemed they all had to sacrifice their quality of health for fun or fun and business for health. 

I hadn't been modeled someone who could do it all.

Then I read a book called The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani. He has a term called "brules" that is short for bullshit rules. He defines these are the rules of life that we have subscribed to that aren't really true but people go along with them. I realized I had been subscribing to beliefs and rules around how to manage my health, business and social life that were only true if I allowed them to be. 

I wondered, how many other "brules" had I been following?

So I thought what if I just wiped the slate clean of how I thought it had to be when it came to balancing business, health, social life, etc? and was able to create my own set of rules.

The question peaked my interest...

This of course, is easier said that done. We all have YEARS and YEARS of conditioning and belief systems that justify how we currently live our life.

The reason things are the way they are in our life is because they are a product of our beliefs about how we should live it.

Beliefs + Habits= Life we live

"Wiping the slate clean" is really only effective if we are really able to allow ourselves to think about life differently.

What would I create if ANYTHING was possible?

This turned out to be a powerful question in itself when I REALLY sat with it. Excitement followed by "being realistic" followed by hope, followed by the little voice that'd say "get real."

In fact at first I had to keep reminding myself, "If ANYTHING is possible, what will I choose?"

To do this effectively I had to shift my beliefs and daily actions and habits. Books like The Code of the Extraordinary Mind and The Untethered Soul really helped to expand my thinking and really think outside the norm when it came to beliefs around creating life, health, and business on my terms.

I realized that being "realistic" was just another way of saying playing it safe. 
That getting "real" was just what people say when something is outside their understanding or belief of what is possible.
 

Tim Ferriss says; "People will choose unhappiness over uncertainty."
 

People crave security and certainty in all aspects of their life. In a way we are biologically hardwired to look for safety. We used to live in a world having to evade predators and we lived in the hunt or be hunted world. 

We have evolved where being eaten by a lion or bear is ( in general) no longer a legit threat. 

Yet, we still crave that certainty and security. 

Except that in the world WE have created, those certainties just don't exist.

Newsflash: Nothing is certain. Even the things you think are certain, are not.

Your safe cushy job? You could lose at any moment. (as we've been seeing more and more right now.)
Your savings? Good luck, with inflation and your money sitting in the bank you're just losing more each year.

I don't say these things to burst your bubble or be pessimistic. Rather the opposite, to inspire you into realizing that if nothing is certain then you MUST prioritize what is in your heart and best interest to live a happy, healthy and fulfilling life. 

Look, I get it. This may be a lot for you and maybe you think I'm nuts. That's cool, I get it. This is the opposite of where many bullshit rules will guide you. Not everybody thinks this way. But then again, you don't want to be like most people, do you?

But lets say you're with me so far. You're thinking  "okay Alex, I get it. Wipe the slate clean and be open to believing anything is possible. I can get on board with that. I also get nothing in life is certain so just do whatever I want. So what am I supposed to do? My whole life has been about following this specific path."

Good question, especially since many of us have just been encouraged to follow the leader. 

How to identify what you want in life.

Before going though this you must forget what you've been told is success. Forget money and what you've been told is realistic and focus on what you feel drawn to. There really is no right or wrong (even if your friends, family, co-workers think you're crazy, its just their opinion and is only true if you decide it is.)

1. Ask yourself if I could be doing anything what would that be?
This is kind of like that "if I won the lottery what would I do? " question.  If money weren't a concern and being realistic wasn't a thing. For me it was helping people around the world pursue their highest potential in life through taking care of their health and body first and foremost. I will do this in some way until the day I die. I had to learn the skills, take the courses, invest the money into coaches to make this possible.

2. How do I want to feel in my body?
Go about identifying more specifics. Don't be vague. For example don't answer "I want to feel healthy." What does that mean? maybe its that you want to be 20 lbs lighter, wake up with energy, be able to pick up the kids with ease. Great, there's a fool proof plan to get there. For me it was being lean (less than 15% bodyfat on a regular basis), being strong (deadlift and squat 300lbs on any given day.) Having unlimited energy ( not hitting that 3pm sleepy time.) I then demanded a certain style of training, eating and habits around bedtime to ensure these things could be realized.

3. What would be the perfect day from start to finish?
From wakeup to bedtime, what would be the perfect day? be specific.  For me it was wake up when the sun comes up, meditate, journal, walk with family, gym, clients, create, walk, unwind with family. I had to think about how I could structure my career around this not how can I structure my life around my career.

4. What would my relationships look and feel like? What kind of people would socialize with?
Who are you spending time with? what are characteristics and traits they possess? do they support you? 
For me it was finding people who were entrepreneurial, wanted to live life on their terms, took care of themselves, ambitious, kind and liked the occasional weekend brewery.  They felt supportive, encouraging and no BS. I had to prioritize certain friendships and make new ones. This also came with putting boundaries in my life that protected how I wanted to relationships and everything else to function and feel like. 

5. How much money will I earn?
And of course, how much money would support this life? This will be different for everybody but as you go through each question you will think about where you live, what you do, how you spend your money. From here you just back track expenses. This will change as you and your experiences change. I have invested into coaches to help me grow as a human so that my business can grow at the extent that I do personally. Also deconstructing how much you want to make into how many hours you want to work will help you prioritize what needs to be done and what gets your focus. If it pulls you away from the main thing then stay away from it.

Identify the specifics of each of these things. Go to work on creating a plan or hiring someone to help you with a plan for each. For example, you can hire a personal trainer for the health stuff maybe take a course in creating a nice side hustle for more money. You can begin optimizing your day by journaling for the "perfect day".

Just asking the questions WILL inspire you.

Make executing the plan your livelihood. You don't have to neglect other responsibilities to do this.

Having answers to these things is only half the battle. In fact, its not half but its a big first step. You WILL have doubts still. You WILL have haters. You WILL try and talk yourself out of it. So expect that. 

BUT..

You're going to be somewhere in 3 years anyway.

You're going to socialize anyway.

You're going to eat food and move your body anyway.

This journaling exercise just allows you to put intention behind how you do these and align them with what you REALLY want going forward.

This isn't easy but its worth it.

These are the exact steps I took when we quit and pivoted jobs, sold our house, traveled the country ( soon to be world), and lived life on our terms. Being clear on what we were creating allowed us to know what to say YES to and what to say NO to. We are still learning and are far from perfect, but one day at a time right? 

Has it been easy? Not always.

Has it been the best thing we've ever done? Yes.

Because following your heart and doing what you want to do is the most important thing you can do to live a fulfilling and happy life.

You can deny yourself optimal health, the perfect life all you want.

But..

The truth of what you want never goes away.

You just get better at lying to yourself.

I hope you find this useful and I hope you seriously consider writing some of these things out this week. Even if you LOVE your life, check in with yourself in this exercise and re-assess where you are at. 

You will be glad you did.

Until next week...

PS. For those who are interested, my wife (Elaine) has a travel blog that covers many of the places we have lived, visited or stayed in over the last few years. It covers our favorite towns, hikes, sights, and breweries we've traveled. If you are looking for a place to vacation, visit (or move to)  you can check that out here for the best places to visit